In Memory Of
by Fernside
Summary: Callen tells the team why he left school.
1. Chapter 1

**Now**

"Come on G, it's your duty as team leader to participate." said Deeks. "Everyone else has." The team were sitting at a bar after work. A case involving high school students had led to swapping stories about turning eighteen and leaving school.

Callen smirked, "big deal. When Sam left school he wanted to join the navy. His first employer Navy, second employer NCIS which would be, let me guess, the Navy. So, tell me how all that information revealed anything new about Sam."

Deeks frowned, "Sam tell your partner to play nice with the adults or skull his orange juice."

"It's not going to happen, Deeks," said Sam and took a sip of his beer. "I don't think G ever went to school. He's just jealous that everyone else had a life."

Kensi flinches slightly at Sam's words. She knows the team leaders background but Callen doesn't take offence. Sam knows when to push his partner's weak points.

Callen's fingers play with his glass while he thinks. Eighteen was a long time ago and who cares what happened to some kid more than twenty years in the past. He's not the only one at the table with a hard luck story. "In my last year at school," Callen said slowly. "I wanted to be a fireman."

"Lair," said Sam. "Skull."

"What, it's true."

"How do you know it's a lie?" Deeks leaned forward but his eyes darted between the two men. "What's his tell Sam?"

"You saw his lips move didn't you. That's a sure sign" Sam pointed his bottle at Callen's glass. "Go on drink."

Callen grinned, lifted his glass and took a large swallow. "OK, in my last year of school," he said dropping his voice to a low soft tone compelling the others to lean forward. "I wanted to be a fire-fighter at Chicago O'Hare airport."

Wow," said Kensi suddenly interested, "yeah I could see you as a fireman. Especially in one of those calendars for charity. Talk about hot." She fan's her face with her fingers.

Sam laughed, "Yeah, Mr December wearing a Santa hat and not much else."

"Sexual harassment," groaned Callen. "No wonder I never tell you anything."

"Why a fireman?" pushed Deeks ignoring his giggling partner.

Callen shrugged. "My best friend's father worked in a laundry. We used to hang around the fire station next door. I don't know, at seventeen I thought it was better than working in a chop shop I guess."

"So, what stopped you?" said Kensi.

"Things didn't work out the way I expected. David my friend was in a car accident and I left town."

"And your friend wanted to be a fireman too?"

"Nah, David wanted to be a cop, wanted both of us to be cops." How had they ever been so young and stupid? "His surname was Starkey, David Starkey. He said it was fate, like Starsky and Hutch."

"A cop, you're shitting me," Deeks grinned. "This deserves a full story. Come on man, you can't leave us hanging."

"Yeah, come on G," said Sam. "One small story won't hurt. Deeks, get the man a beer."

Deeks looked around for the waitress, then pushed back his chair and headed towards the bar.

Callen looked around the table feeling the pressure. This was the reason he hated to reveal his past. People wanted details that he didn't want to expose. He glanced at his watch, it was still too early to leave. He took a deep breath as four drinks were placed on the table.

It was time to man up.


	2. Chapter 2

A stolen car, they had done it before. Just drive around the block, waste some petrol then return the car. No harm done except to the wallet of someone they didn't know. David's driving, just seventeen with no licence. But who needs a licence, this is Chicago and David will be eighteen in eight months.

David taps his fingers on the wheel and waits for the lights to change. "Did you see the car Crockett was driving last night? Man that was cool. That will be us G. You wait and see, just another four more months and we'll get our own car."

Callen looks out the window. His future is not as clear cut as a Miami Vice episode. Crime pays but David has visions of being a cop. David has the grades and the family. Callen's best friend could be anything.

"Word on the street say's the Third Street gang are recruiting," says Callen thinking of the money for car's stolen to order. It would only take one or two, maybe five max.

David turns and looks at him. "Man where do you get this stuff from. The gangs are for losers. We can do better. Dad said he will get me a job over the summer break."

But Callen needs money now and no one will help him find a job that even pays minimum wage. Callen mutters something and points out some good looking chicks to change the subject. It works.

They discuss world politics, leaving a school they never admit they attend and how tough they are. Starsky and Hutch, Crocket and Tubbs, it's all about the car man, says David cruising to the beat of a vision in his head.

The music, up loud, doesn't cover the sound of gun shots and the vision of people ducking for cover. A blue blur slides across the road and slams into them. Callen grabs the dashboard and his head smashes into glass as the car spins. They hit a pole and his nails break clawing the dashboard for purchase. The crunching sound of the car hurts his body. The silence makes Callen blink, swallow and try to comprehend exactly what happened.

People are looking and Callen reaches up and touches his head. There is blood on his fingers.

He turns and looks at David, "Shit."

David's side of the car is twisted and crushed. His legs are trapped by metal. David pants then screams in pain as he tries to move. The sound snaps Callen out of his fugue. People begin running towards the crash.

Callen sees bone sticking out of flesh and a shoe where it shouldn't be. He knows they need an ambulance fast. He tells David to shut up, that everything will be alright as he reaches out a hand. Callen's good at lying.

David grips G's so tight the bones feel like they are cracking. The screams echo in his ear, but it's the panting and the whimpering which cut to the bone.

Let me be a hero, just once please, begs Callen.

And David starts crying, which scares Callen even more. Death he could take, he's seen bodies over the years. But living with no legs in their neighbourhood is a slow road to hell.

He knows David's dreams of being a cop are smashed with shots fired and car crashing across the intersection. And Callen is realistic enough understand his dreams are tied up with his friend. Best friends forever will come to an end with no one to keep him on the right side of the law.

David starts begging for the pain to stop. David's family are poor. There isn't enough money from low paid jobs and minimum insurance for descent health care. Callen doesn't know if he's praying for David to live or die.

A face appears at the window, says something that Callen can't hear and disappears. A cop looking scared and young is talking on the radio. His door is pulled open and Callen slides out surrendering his place to an adult. His legs don't support him property. He shakes his hands and breathes deep. He wants to cry but he's a man and men don't cry.

"Help."

Callen turns his head towards the other car not sure what he heard. A punk gets out, waives a gun in the air and threatens the cop. The crowd scatters. The gunman hobbles away but leaves behind a trail of blood. Callen walks to the blue car and looks inside and sees one dead and one dying. Callen doesn't give a damn, he only cares about David.

"Help."

Callen ignores the plea. There is a lot of traffic noise and no one else is reacting. Maybe he's imaging it. Let the bastard die.

"Shut up, shut the fuck up," hisses the gangbanger who hits the seat.

Two voices, thought Callen, but his ears are ringing and he's not one hundred percent sure what he heard. He looks at the trunk, feels like an idiot but there is something wrong. He can't help David but maybe...

He takes a step closer to the other car, the door is still open from the runner. Callen needs to know, needs to know why his life has been ruined again. He leans down, flicks the lever and pops the trunk open.

There is a body in the trunk and it's still alive.


	3. Chapter 3 Then

"Jesus," says a voice behind Callen. The man's hands and feet are tied but he's alive.

Callen is pushed to the side as other people gather around. He makes his way back to the empty seat next to David.

It takes forever but finally the ambulance comes and parks next to the blue car. A medic runs towards them, checks on David's breathing and pulse, says a few soothing words then moves away. It won't be long now until the nightmare is over.

Callen looks up to focus away from David's pain. Two men from the other car, one in cuffs and one on a stretcher are placed in the ambulance. The escaped driver now sits in the back of a patrol car. The door is closed and the ambulance slowly pulls into the traffic. Callen yells to wait but goes unheard or just ignored. A tarp is thrown over the body until the cops can finish the investigation. It's a crime scene now and they are busy directing traffic.

"Don't let me die, I don't want to die." David starts crying. "I want mum."

The fire truck pulls into the vacant area left by the ambulance. Faces appear at the window and say words that Callen doesn't hear before disappearing. He doesn't want to be calm or patient or even brave. He wants to be somewhere else.

Firemen and cops walk around the car marking places in chalk. They do nothing with speed.

David's gone quiet either from the shock or numbness. Callen can't tell which. He doesn't really care as long as David stays quiet and Callen can convince himself that everything is going to be fine. He talks out loud as he holds David's hand. David whimpers and tries not to move. There is sweat on Callen's forehead.

A fireman approaches with a hydraulic spreader and a crowbar as a second ambulance arrives.

"Are you doing OK son?"

Callen nods.

"Ok son you can get out now. Go get checked out at the ambulance."

Callen shakes the glass from his hair as he watches the firemen rip the door off the car. He's left standing on his own forgotten. There is nowhere to go but to a home he doesn't have.

The young cop approaches and tries to question Callen. He gives David's full name, address and contact details plus a fake name for himself when he remembers the car is stolen. When the cop gets distracted Callen moves away and blends with the people standing around. He watches the paramedic inject David with something which reduces the screams to whimpers when David is lifted from the car. As David is placed in an ambulance Callen turns and hobbles towards the subway. People look but don't care, he's just one more kid on the street.

David's sister is home but Callen heads over to Lexington Ave where David's mother works the swing shift. Both parents work.

Callen babbles his story and Mrs S turns white, turns her hate on Callen and swears. The family can't afford the loss of wages, or the medical bills. God help them. She leaves with her coat and bag. Callen is again left standing. He feels the judgement in the air from the other mothers in the room. None of them can afford the unpaid hours to look after ungrateful children. The women turn back to work as Callen slips out the door.

He has nowhere to go but no one cares. It should have been him pinned in the car. Words like please, why, fault and blame, make circuits in his brain. He can't think of any friends close enough to talk to and doesn't feel comfortable dumping this mess on his foster parents. They are good people but they shouldn't have to deal with his shit.

Callen embraces the anger. He knows there's not enough money and not enough insurance for David to get the medical care he needs. Callen can't help but think David would have been better off dead.

Hell, it wasn't even their fault. They were just driving around minding their own business. A million people in a city, why them and why now.

Callen cries and screams that it isn't fair but when has life ever been fair. It's one more thing on top of a lot of things that happen in his life. And why does God hate him so much? He kicks the wall but it only hurts is his foot. All he can think about is revenge and getting even but there is no one to get even against. Just a stupid car accident. In the end Callen wipes his eyes and heads home.

At home, he has a shower and then goes to the kitchen to tell his current foster mum. He keeps the story simple, leaves out a lot of the details and holds the anger at the world tight inside. She gathers him in her arms and rocks him back and forward. He's not a baby so Callen refuses to cry before he can escape back to his bedroom but it's a close thing.

Callen steals some money, heads for the hospital and cons himself inside to David's room. But the family's circling the bed and don't want him there. It's clearly Callen's fault the boys were in a stolen car driving thru the city. David's a good boy and would never do any wrong on his own. God have mercy on Callen's soul.

David won't meet Callen's eyes and feeling the hostility, Callen turns away feeling like a coward. He heads for the chapel where he knows that no one will kick him out. It's quite and peaceful, Callen chooses a seat in a corner where it's hard to be seen from the door. He bows his head and waits. Every time he returns to the third floor family are still in the room.

He hides from staff then creeps in late at night only to be caught by a nurse who lets him stay. Callen is quite, very quiet as he watches David drift on medication. The prognosis is not good.

He slips out to go to the toilet but gets caught on the way back. This time the nurses won't let him stay. Callen makes his way home in the dark.


	4. Chapter 4 Then

A rhythm returns to his life. Callen's quite but he's always been quite so the adults don't notice. But the kids at school sense the coldness behind the smile and step aside when he goes past. No one asks about David.

The cops track him down and speak to his foster parents. The body in the trunk was an undercover cop sentenced to death by the mob. The cops are grateful so they don't push the point over a stolen car. They leave after a verbal warning. Callen doesn't give a shit.

The school counsellor tries to engage Callen in conversation. She's a nice lady so he spins a tale, smiles then escapes. She gives him a piece of paper to write his thoughts and emotions. He hands the page back with circles drawn in the corners but the rest is blank.

She talks about jobs and life after school. Callen wanted to be a fireman but he's having dreams of cars bursting into flames and hydraulic spreaders slicing thru flesh. He doesn't tell the counsellor but nods in the right places.

David wanted them to be cops. But Callen's got a record so he probably won't make the basic qualifications. His future is left broken in a car because David was the one who kept G focused on his school grades.

He stuffs some pamphlets about recruiting for the Police and Fire Bridge into his backpack. He also has information on fire rescue and rural fire fighters. The counsellor still thinks that he can be someone. She doesn't see the hurt behind the mask.

It's my fault.

The three words echo through his brain. Callen wants revenge, wants to be a hero to provide he's better than scum and it wasn't his fault. But Callen's used to wanting things he can't have. Revenge against the mob would be a death sentence and who else can he blame.

After school Callen sits in the hospital chapel. It's a good place to hide. He's learns the regulars. There's a girl, her mums a cop and her uncle was shot in a domestic. The family waits for him to wake from the coma. She shares her food and they walk the halls together. It gives him something to do.

…

"I'm sorry," says Callen. It's been three days and it's the first time Callen has managed to speak to David one on one. David's sister has been providing updates and the prognosis isn't good.

David glances at the doorway then turns away. "Why are you here?"

Callen shrugs. He doesn't know what to say so he walks in and takes seat. "How are you?"

"How do you think? A smashed ankle, a broken leg, damaged hips, cracked ribs and a concussion. They are going to send me home in a few days."

Silence falls as the words in Callen's head won't come out his mouth.

"The police asked who you were so I told them. I didn't mean to rat you out."

Callen shrugs, "the cops have already been around, no problem." Callen doesn't care about trouble, he cares about his friend. But he now wishes he had trusted his instincts to stay away.

"Mum had a fit when she found out the car was stolen. Did you hear there was a cop in the car? Mum said we could have been dead, that we could have been shot by the mobsters."

The talk is stilted. David remembers crying and begging, not the behaviour of a teenager with a fragile male ego. It grates on his nerves that his sister, the traitor, considers Callen a hero.

"I've got something for you." Callen pulls out 5 pages crammed full of writing from his backpack and hands it across.

David glances at the papers, "What the hell."

"It's Mr Lin's English assignment, I completed it in detention." There is a bright red A is circled in the corner with a few spelling corrections scattered down the page. It's not perfect. Callen glances at the paper with all the words he couldn't say. All the words to explain what happened to David and why. He hopes the words say sorry for the mess he got them into.

"What are you a moron? Stuff like that will get you killed. Cops are already coming around to our house and I've got family to think about." David shoves the pages back at Callen.

Slowly they begin to talk past Callen's blame and David's bitterness. They discussed school and David's family. It's all about today and yesterday and nothing about tomorrow. Callen is glad when it's time to escape.

In the corridor Callen pulls out the creased pages from where he stuffed them into his backpack. The assignment took hours. Mr Lin had called it an outpouring of truth, a leftover concept from an Asian refugee. He rips the pages in half and dumps them in a passing rubbish bin.

Callen jabs at the lift button feeling the tingle in his eyes. He won't visit again. Deep in heart he knows that this is goodbye, it's time to move on. Emotional shit is for losers and he tells himself to toughen up. When the lift arrives he gets in and pushes his way to the back to hide. Naturally the lift goes the wrong way.

"Are you OK?"

It's the girl from the chapel, he can't remember her name. "I'm fine thanks," he says with enough tone to cut the conversation dead.

She turns away and gets out at the next floor. Callen regrets his rudeness. He remembers the food and the shared conversations in the chapel. She had been nothing but kind and doesn't deserve his shit.

He has nothing to give her in payment and now he's missed his chance to say thanks. The lift starts down, stopping at each floor to collect new people. The lift once again stops at David's floor. So Callen gets off, walks towards the rubbish bin and pulls out the assignment. As well as spelling mistakes it's now got food stains on it. He tries to clean it with his sleeve. The pages don't look pretty but the words are still there.

…..

"Honey, that boy's here to see you."

Callen retreats to the hallway and waits.

"I wanted to say sorry, for before yeah know, for brushing you off." Callen looks at the ground.

Sure OK," she says.

He glances into the room, "How's your uncle?"

It's her turn to shrug and lean against the wall. "Mum's arguing with him again so better I guess."

He remembers how the girl told him her mother and uncle hated each other. How her mother weeps at his bedside until he is well enough to hate once more. Hospitals have the ability to change a person, but it doesn't always last.

"Here," the ripped papers are still in his hand so he holds them out for the girl to take. "I wrote it for David but he doesn't want to read it."

"What is it?" She glances at some of the pages.

"Just stuff I guess. Mr Lin said to write down everything I knew about the neighbourhood. So I did. Names, addresses and crimes, I thought, you know, you could give it to your mum with her being a cop and all."

"Are you sure, this is some serious shit."

"Yeah, maybe she can …" he falls silent feeling embarrassed. He signed the report Kenneth Callen Hutchinson. How can he be taken seriously when he does such childish things? He wants to snatch the report back but it's too late. A gift is a gift.

"You're leaving aren't you?" she leans into him and gives him a hug. "I'm never going to see you again."

And just for a little bit, he rests his weight on her shoulders and it feels good. "You look after yourself little ballerina. Don't give up the dancing." She punches him on the arm in a friendly way which makes him grin.

"Go fight a fire Callen. Go, out there and win."

Callen walks away.

"Hey Hutch," comes a call from behind him, he half turns. "I'll visit David for you so keep the faith."

Callen feels ten feet tall. He's glad he decided to say goodbye. When he walks out of the hospital the sun is shining.


End file.
